One on One with the Great One!!

I've been debating about writing this post for a few days. As much as I enjoying writing here, I try not to get to deep or personal. But I'm in one of my "what the fuck" moods so here goes.

When I run, all sorts of things come into my mind. Hopefully by the end of the run, they have all left and I have a clear mind. One of the things that keeps coming into my mind is my relationship with God. This has been a long twisted relationship for years. First it was pressured upon me as a youth, then I ran away from it as soon as I could. Back in my mid twenties I came back to God and got real religious for a couple of years. Then I ran away again. Well during a recent run I had a one sided conversation with the Big Guy (I guess when you are God you don't have to respond if you don't want to.) It centered around the famous Footsteps Poem. Here is the poem for anyone that hasn't heard it followed by some of my discussion with the Big Guy.

Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson, 1936


God, Where are ya? I'm going through some shit lately, job stress, family stress, paying the bills and I definitely get the feeling I'm all alone in this. Don't give me that shit about this is the time you are carrying me either. If you are carrying me now, you have a totally twisted fucking sense of humor!!

What if you don't even exist! Wouldn't that be something! If you do exist why do little kids get cancer and good people die young yet Bin Laden still roams freely? Why do priest touch kids, now that's fucked up. I know I exist, for that matter other people know I exist too. I got ya beat there. Maybe I'm God and your just a squirrel in my world trying to get a nut!! If you do exist I'm not looking for a handout. I'd rather you spend your time fixing whats wrong it the world. The last time I went to church the priest said that unmarried couples living together were sinners and one of the major problems of our generation. Are you fucking kidding me?? Was that really your message?? Aren't there a shitload of other things to worry about??

So here it is, on November 4th, I'm running 26.2 miles with or without you. (the last 6 miles would be a good time to carry me) I have a lot of miles to put in before then and I'm sure we'll be talking again. One of these days maybe you'll step up to the plate and respond. Well, that's if you actually exist.